


You Are Good

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Post 1x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 18:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6162450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Angus remains insomniac, he remembers a conversation he had with Mario at the end of the first season finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Good

_You Are Good_

 

            He was lying in his room, the bedsheets crumpled and slick with his sweat. Angus was crouched by the end of the room, shaking and trying not to cry. What a fool he had been. Why did he think that getting off of Adderall would be easy? Only three weeks, the resident had thought. He would be fine. The light brown haired resident with bloodshot eyes swallowed the lump in his throat, wondering _how_ Mario could have done this. This…pain, was excruciating. Agitation and irritation followed Angus wherever he went, but the resident was careful not to take it out on others – especially on the patients that had no idea that their doctor was in recovery from substance abuse. A part of Angus wanted to cry when the withdrawal symptoms had started. _I never thought it would happen to me._ Never in his life had Angus thought that this would happen to him. He had always been the child or the teen who was too skittish or intimidated by everything to even think about damaging his mind, or his body.

            But the memory of Gordon Heshmam’s face as he died consumed Angus. The crushing guilt and realization of every waking minute that he had killed someone, consumed the young resident until he found solace in a drug that too soon, he was addicted too. It came in flashes and nightmares. The sight of the man who had killed the ER director and almost killed Malaya, dying as blood leaked out of his wound as Angus let him bleed, burned until there was nothing left. As he lied in his bed or across the room, sleepless from a nightmare or simply fear of going to sleep, Angus thought of Mario.

            How could he have done it? The withdrawal symptoms must have been so much worse than what Angus was experiencing, and the resident would often try to think of everything that he knew now about Mario. The resident had tried to tell him – tried to tell him that he knew what Angus was doing, and told him about his parents – himself. The drugs destroyed the parents that Angus had never before heard mentioned, and of his friend who was trying desperately to let him in. It was ironic, the first year resident thought. In the beginning, Mario had been the asshole and pushing him away, but at the end it was Angus that had tried to push Mario away when it truly counted. After his conversation with Mike, the younger Leighton was surprised to find the darker-haired resident waiting for him by entrance of Angels. _“I thought you would want nothing to do with me after what happened,”_ Angus had confessed to the fellow resident as they both stood in their street clothes. In his haze of remorse and addiction, Angus realized it had been quite a long time since he had seen Mario in street clothes. He was wearing a dark blue jacket with a faded t-shirt and jeans. Angus was wearing something similar, but was wearing something closer to dress shoes than the worn shoes that Mario wore.

            _“That wasn’t going to happen, Angus.”_ The resident’s blue eyes had widened at Mario’s statement, looking at the serious expression Mario had. The said resident paused for a long moment, before staring into Angus’ eyes deeply and stated, _“I know what addiction feels like. The drug, it’s the only thing that matters, isn’t it?”_ Angus had nodded slowly, telling himself to not cry as Mario moved slightly closer to him. They were standing side by side now, only a small space between them. _“I remember the feeling, the detox, and…everything that happened after that.”_ Mario’s dark brown eyes darkened more as he began to speak more slowly, Angus hanging on to every word as his friend was saying. _“It was hell. And I won’t leave you alone for it.”_

It was then that Angus started to cry. Tears started to leak from his eyes, and he fought to contain his breath as he felt a sob building in his throat. Mario didn’t attempt to comfort him. It was as if he knew that Angus would try to say he was fine when he was not as thick tears started to trail down Angus’ cheeks, and a half-sob escaped from his throat.

            _“You can cry all you want, you know.”_ Mario whispered as Angus stayed silent as he drove the mentally exhausted resident to his place. Mike had been understanding when his younger brother had stated that he wanted to drive with Mario. Before, Angus would have been furious at the knowledge that it had been Mario who had told his older brother about the Adderall. But now…he only felt grateful. He felt, almost happy that Mario had told someone something that he couldn’t admit it to himself. _“The fear and everything else is real. I’ve cried too, Angus.”_ The light-brown haired resident stared at Mario as the other young man continued to focus on the road. _“I know. It seems impossible that someone like me would cry.”_ It was faint, but Angus could hear the ring of self-loathing in Mario’s voice. All at once, the resident wanted to comfort Mario – to tell him of how much those words were not true, that he had been wrong about him, and – _“I cried when my grandmother threw me out of her house. I cried when the cravings got so bad I couldn’t stop from screaming and shaking,_ begging _for it.”_ There was a long pause. At the corner of his eye, Angus saw Mario lick his lips before his head turned and he stared into Angus’ eyes.

            _“I cried a lot. But now I don’t have much reason to cry anymore.”_

Tears filled Angus’ eyes, and the resident swallowed thickly before opening his shaking mouth to rasp, _“Why?”_

Mario didn’t look at him for a moment. Then, a small grin framed his face as he glanced by at the crying Angus.

            _“Because I have people now. People who care about me. And who I care for too.”_ Mario heaved a breath and Angus felt the tears start to flow onto his jacket as the once-resident who he had thought cared for no one looked at him with empathy. _“And that includes you, Angus. You’re a better person than me, so I know, that you will win this. You are good, so much better than me.”_

Those words filled in Angus’ mind as he continued to breathe. His fingers traced the smooth corners of his phone, and without thinking of it, he dialed a familiar number.

            _“Hello?”_

A sudden urge to laugh almost overwhelmed Angus as he heard the grogginess in Mario’s voice. It was two o’clock in the morning, and the single word appeared garbled as Angus heard a creaking sound.

            “I’m sorry this is late,” Angus whispered into the phone, feeling nervous as the feeling of helplessness entered him again. “I need to talk to you.”

            Mario mumbled something under his breath, and Angus thought he heard a small laugh escape from the resident. _“You owe me, but okay.”_

For the first time since he had woken from nightmares and then insomnia, a tiny smile framed Angus’ face. _Thank you,_ he inwardly whispered to his friend, the most wonderful human being that he yet to meet. _Thank you for this…for everything that you’ve done for me._

_You are good too, Mario._

         They talked until the sun rose.

          There were no nightmares for Angus that morning.

           


End file.
